DOCTORS AND THERAPISTS DON'T ALWAYS KNOW BEST

Why Loving, Involved Parents Need to Pay Attention to Their Instincts

Listen to the science! Throughout the Covid-19 pandemic, we have heard these words too many times to count. Anyone who did not follow the latest scientific recommendations was looked down on as foolish. But the problem was—the science kept changing, almost daily, as more was learned about this virus.

Doctors and other therapists (mental health, physical therapists, speech therapists, and others) are blessings from God. They worked long and hard to become experts on some aspect of health, and we can be grateful for that. It is so good to have professionals to talk with when we have questions about raising our children–they are partners with us in keeping our children healthy! And, while raising my six children, I almost always followed their advice. But not always. Here’s why:

Doctors and therapists don’t know everything.

They use their extensive training and knowledge to give the best recommendations they can, and we can all appreciate that. But in many ways, the human body—and particularly the human brain—is still a mystery. Humans are complex creatures created by our all-knowing God. No matter how hard we try, here on this earth we’ll never have the full knowledge of our Creator. We’ll keep learning, and the science will keep changing. It’s also important to remember that professionals in the medical field don’t live with your child every day.

Parents know their children best.

I truly believe that loving, involved parents develop a parental instinct about their children. I’ve seen it in my own family many times. Here are a few examples:

1. When the older of my two sons was a very loud breather at ten months old—able to be heard breathing from several rooms away at all times—his pediatrician took an x-ray and determined it was something called laryngotracheomalacia (how’s that for a name?), a softening of the larynx that usually isn’t serious and that most babies outgrow. The pediatrician ridiculed me for asking concerned questions about the condition, such as whether it could be definitively diagnosed from an x-ray (he said yes). Weeks later, a comment made by a different doctor led me to a gut feeling that the diagnosis was incorrect. Without a referral, I had to make a lot of phone calls and work my way up the ladder in order to get my son seen by a specialist at a children’s hospital in another city. When he was seen, we found out that the true diagnosis was tracheal stenosis, a life-threatening condition that needed prompt and very extensive surgery to save my boy’s life. He had the surgery and has grown into a healthy young man.
2. My other son was about eight years old when he started having auditory, visual, and tactile hallucinations. When I called his pediatrician and relayed what was happening, the doctor ordered that he be placed in the psychiatric wing of a local hospital, even though all the other patients on that wing were much older than my son. My husband and I didn’t want to do that; we thought that a medication our son was taking might be causing the hallucinations. The doctor told us that the medication does not cause hallucinations, but we still refused to admit him to the psychiatric hospital, instead opting to try taking him off the medication at home first. It took days, but eventually the medication was out of his system, and his hallucinations disappeared. The pediatrician apologized to me, saying that from now on he would never discount parental instincts! (Oh–and that medication now lists hallucinations as a possible side effect, as the science has changed.)
3. At age two my daughter wasn’t speaking or even babbling yet. She made no sounds other than crying. A speech therapist visited out house regularly, naming toys to try to help my daughter understand words, but the therapist wouldn’t work on trying to get her to speak. The therapist claimed that my daughter would always be nonverbal, so trying to teach her to speak was pointless. Unable to convince her to try, I called her supervisor and requested that, if this therapist wouldn’t work on speech with her, my daughter would be assigned a different therapist. The therapist remained but, on her supervisor’s instructions, began to work on teaching my daughter to speak. Within months, she was speaking! Once she learned, she talked with us about everything, and we are very thankful that she definitely isn’t nonverbal!

I’m not giving medical advice nor recommending that you ignore what medical professionals say!

Professionals in the medical field truly are blessings from God, and arbitrarily ignoring their recommendations would be foolish. But it would also be foolish to ignore strong parental instincts and assume that the professionals are infallible. If a professional’s recommendation about your child seems wrong to you, pray for wisdom. Then talk to that doctor or therapist about your concerns, and get a second opinion if necessary. Don’t neglect your child’s needs; get enough information either to follow the original advice or to use another responsible option to meet those needs.

I want to share something else interesting about the three children in the stories above: All three entered our family through adoption. Parental instinct isn’t just a biological benefit of giving birth. It’s a blessing from God that is helpful no matter how children enter a family.

Thank God for medical professionals. Thank him also for parental instincts. Both are from him. Pray for his wisdom and guidance to balance both blessings throughout your parenting journey.