FIVE REASONS ADOPTIVE PARENTS NEED YOUR SUPPORT

Recently I’ve seen an increasing number of ministries out there to support foster parents. I think that’s great! Foster parents are bringing into their homes children in crisis—usually children (and teens) who have lost their parents or who have been through other types of trauma in their homes. Those children may have been bounced from home to home, often taking with them just one bag of their own possessions. They may have a history of neglect or abuse. And recovery from such instability and trauma takes a lot of support from a stable, loving family. Foster parents have taken on a big job, and it’s wonderful to see Christians ready, willing, and able to support them in any way possible.

What saddens me, though, is that sometimes these ministries to foster families do not show that same support to adoptive families. Parents who have adopted usually need a lot of Christian love and support as well. Here are five reasons that I believe any ministry for foster parents should also minister to adoptive parents:

1. Like foster children, children who were adopted have also been through trauma.

This is not to say that adoption is a bad thing. It’s not—just the opposite! Adoptive parents are showing love to children who need stable homes, just as foster parents do. However, any child who was adopted experienced the loss of birthparents. This is a trauma that will likely affect the child for a lifetime, even if the child cannot remember the birthparents. In addition, many children who were adopted also went through a number of placements prior to adoption and have experienced neglect, abuse, poverty, or other traumas. They too have a long road to recovery.

2. Children who were adopted often have unknown medical histories that result in unexpected medical needs.

Particularly for children adopted internationally, records can be few and inaccurate. Adoptive parents often find themselves seeking answers for medical problems that they never anticipated their children would have. This can happen in any family—including families where all the children joined the family through birth—but it happens at a higher rate for children adopted with unknown family medical histories. These unexpected medical needs require a lot of time and money as treatment continues.

3. Unlike fostering, adoption does not automatically provide a trained worker to guide the family.

While social workers’ resources are generally stretched way too thin, they still do provide regular, ongoing support to foster families. A case manager is assigned to the family to help give guidance and locate needed resources. With adoption, the agency’s support generally stops as soon as the adoption is made permanent, usually around six months after placement. Support groups for adoptive parents can be located, locally or online, but no specific worker remains with the family to help navigate their particular journey.

4. In contrast with foster care, ongoing financial support is not provided for adopted children.

Thankfully, the state does provide money to foster families to help with the foster child’s expenses, and medical needs are also paid for. Again, that’s great! But for adoptive families, that financial support isn’t there. All costs are paid by the parents, and the adoption process itself is expensive. Since adoptive parents often find themselves dealing with unexpected expenses for therapy (see reason #1) and medical bills and equipment (see reason #2), financial support may be helpful to them as well.

5. Adoption is permanent.

Some foster care ends up being long-term and provides stability for the children. Again, that’s great! But foster care can also be temporary, either because the children’s birth parents are ready to care for them again or because, sadly, the foster placement doesn’t work out. In most adoptions, however, the placement is permanent—as it should be for an adoption! If the children’s challenges become overwhelming for the parents, the fact that these challenges may continue until the children become adults can lead the parents to despair. Organizations that show Christian love to them can be just the source of encouragement and support that they need to get through rough times.

I don’t want to paint too gloomy a picture of adoption here—my husband and I love all our children, whether they were adopted or not! They are all gifts from God! But realistically, raising children who were adopted usually brings with it a lot of extra parenting challenges. (If you doubt this, you might want to read the book Adoption Through the Rearview Mirror by Karen Springs.) I also don’t want to downplay the wonderful, caring work being done by foster parents—what they do is SO important! But please, if you’re going to put together a ministry to support foster parents, make sure you include adoptive parents as well. Both are carrying out God’s calling to love his children, and both could benefit from extra encouragement and Christian love.