LETTING GO

My husband and I are getting close to being empty-nesters. Most of our six children have reached adulthood and left home to live on their own. Years ago, I would have thought each child’s move out of the home would bring about a feeling of accomplishment: “We’ve finished our job. The child has been raised and has been launched safely to adulthood. Well done!”

But as most parents at this stage will attest to, it’s not that simple. It’s hard to lose the daily, in-person contact with someone you love—someone who has been an integral part of your family for many years. Parents need to trust that they have done all they can and then, to a large degree, let go. That’s hard enough for any loving parents; for parents of children with extraordinary challenges, it’s even harder. Parents of children with disabilities don’t know whether those children will always have the care and support they need. Parents of children with mental health struggles don’t know whether those children will stay on a good path or will instead make decisions that could destroy their lives. And sometimes, parents watch children who were raised to love God and follow Jesus as their Savior turn their backs on Christianity.

I love the picture I’ve added to the left. It reminds us that when we let go, our children still have a loving parent with them all the time. They have God, their loving heavenly Father. We need to let go and let God…

LET GOD find ways to help adult children with disabilities function out in the world. Parents can and should help them get set up in their first home away from home. But unless the parents are still their children’s legal guardians, from that point on all they can plan to do is offer advice and point them to resources, since no parents can guarantee that they will always be able to care for their children. At some point—possibly already when they move out of the house—parents of adult children with disabilities will no longer have the physical energy and the necessary ability to provide the direct care and assistance those children may need. Parents need to do whatever is possible to ensure that the children will be cared for, and then trust God to handle the rest.

LET GOD keep a watchful eye over adult children with mental health struggles. Just as with children who have physical disabilities, there comes a time when parents of children with mental health diagnoses no longer have the energy to deal with the ongoing situations and crisis management that come with raising their children. It is very scary to watch those children leave the nest, not knowing what choices they are going to make in life and what the outcomes will be. But again, no parents can parent their children forever. Instead, parents need to do everything possible to prepare them for adulthood and then continue to share with those adult children parental wisdom and ideas when asked. Ultimately, only God can always watch over adults with mental health challenges as their parents age. Parents of these adult children, too, need to entrust God with their care.

LET GOD continue to call back to himself adult children who have rejected their faith. It was the job of all of us Christian parents to raise our children to know their Lord. What they do with that knowledge as adults is beyond our control. All we can do is pray for those adult children who reject their faith, asking God to continue reaching out to them. Again, this isn’t easy. For a Christian parent, watching a child reject Jesus is heartbreaking. But as long as that child lives, his or her time of grace has not ended, and the way to heaven through Jesus is still available.

Does this all sound scary and gloomy? It can be, which is another reason we need to show Christian love and support to parents of children with extraordinary challenges, even after those children leave home. But it would be a lot scarier without God. Knowing he is in charge and that he loves our children even more than we do (an amazing realization!) enables us to let go and let God take over.

If you’ve raised a child into adulthood—especially one with extraordinary challenges—and you have taught that child to know Jesus as his or her Savior, let me say it to you: Well done! You did your job. It’s ok to let go and let God take over. God’s blessings on the next chapter of your life!